the fog

the fog got my car
first the windows
then I was pushed into the brush

the fog was thick and clingy
'God?' I said, opening my window

the fog grumbled

I was old for my age
and sort of done with myself
I'd broken my personality down on a website
now it was there in front of everyone, like a code

the fog heaved a breath
my eyes felt good and humid

I could hear the bugs sounding their voodoo
my headlights shone like banners

all my life I'd collected boyfriends
I'd thought they were frozen in time
like I could hop back and revive them

this delusion glowed from the website
A memory, I wrote, is not a full-size moment
its small, and in a corner
the original view is lost

I was tired of the body's realities
cooking shows had defeated my instinct to eat
I'd expected to walk open-armed into some job
but that was another smooth delusion

with the fog inside, my car was the outdoors
in this town the sky knew it was in charge
no buildings got near it

I opened the door and the fog was waiting
a God wouldn't do that, single me out
'before' there were less people

it could have been a terrorist plan
it did do a job of disorienting me

I sensed it could tell how my thoughts rushed back to myself
even when offline, I cruised that website

the fog hung around
and I knew it was inanimate
because it asked nothing of me

1 comment:

Lonin said...

hey rachel!!!!, it's lawrence ////
... i think this is my favorite of your whole one-a-day series so far. which is, you know, maybe sadly unsurprising... because you talk about, like, an immanent god and shit... and, also, i see you *carefully* cultivating this sense of poignancy. //// i read your poem "thanksgiving didn't happen" at this Poetry Circle thing, that i've been doing, and i think the other people at the group just didn't get it! because, they said it was a flag sent out out of youthful desperation... i guess i'm writing this to you now to confirm that it's really not! but i think what might be creeping me out now is, that one of the reasons i'm attracted to this Fog poem might be that it makes them actually seem *right* about your style! but i don't want that to be what your poems are about!!... are they?? oh, well, anyway i also really like the Saturn poem from the day before this

... and do you have like this whole community of budding writing students linking to your blog like i imagine...? like that kind of general readership? or, is that at least what you aim to be aiming at? i admit i still feel weird about clogging my regular livejournal, ho hum, maybe that's just an excuse! ((but, it's true that in any case i'm quite glad you've posted the two poems by monsieur bean, especially "Meat" which is hilarious......))