Disappointment is added on a list. Desire discards all lists. Javier got his knuckle bit, but it didn't discourage him, it was his pass-code to the new world. Claire was self-conscious so went in the bathroom. The town they peopled made them better realize the city. They felt drawn to an even smaller town. Could this end, thought Maryanne. Maryanne knew if they moved to a smaller town, they would just get a crush on a smaller town, they would find the locals more local, the animals, there would be more. And even having a house in the woods, wouldn't one night they decide to sleep out in the yard, and feeling too safe, want to wander deep in some woods, where the world starts, where the day begins? Would this year end with them sleeping in dirt, on sticks, through rain? Joyce just wanted a cool job. She didn't want to have to tell her friends about anything uncool. Here, in this moment, a person has a tongue, and teeth, does restaurants, does taxes, does wish some and get some, but leans forward, scratching at anything that sticks out, patrolling his own skin for problems, leaning into the next moment, spreading disappointment and predictions, but Javier, his knuckle was cool.



My roommate is allergic to lizards, but I have one, secretly. I'm not an animal person. The lizard lives in my bedroom. It has sleepy, watery eyes. It prefers one stick to another. I let it out on my hand and I want it to walk up my arm onto my shoulder and then down the other arm or on my lap, or down my leg, but it doesn't care to. It is not curious. If it were a person, I worry it would not like me. Maybe if it were a person, I'd despise everything about it, I'd hate it. The lizard is bored, and if I wasn't bored I wouldn't have bought the lizard. My roommate, she can't eat anything. If she touches a lizard, she says it would spread, it would cover her arm like poison ivy, it could make her very very sick.



My wife had been dead ten years today. I woke as normal, sat up in bed and watched the graveyard. I looked at the grave I pretend is my wife's, though my wife is buried states away, where she grew as a girl. I watched a family group take a stroll, and it looked as though they were going to put flowers on my grave, I mean, my wife's grave, well, actually some stranger's grave, some old poor dead fool, but then they dropped them at an anonymous grave. Some luck, I thought, not knowing if it were good or bad. My plan was to play some Keno numbers, the sun was out, it had been awhile. I went out on the porch and the neighbor boy was fighting with some girl. They cursed each other out in the sunlight. Then they leaned against two separate cars. She had a shaved head, but was still pretty. She carried an icecream bar that was melting on my grass. "How's it going now?" I said, my voice loud and cutting the moment. They looked at me, the day was glorious, the anger in their eyes was like a power on the street. I adjusted my belt, I scratched my door post. "I'm O.K," she said, a glob of ice cream falling. She kept my gaze.



My older sister controlled my life, the carpet was hot lava and so I had to jump couch to couch, but she had a special power that allowed her to nonchalantly walk all in the lava and sit there for long periods of time. It hurt just to look at her. I had to change my cereal when she convinced me of the AIDS cherrio, rare, sure, but there was one in every 100,000 boxes. My mom didn't belief us, but my Dad did, and we switched to Chex and did not regret it. In high school my sister got fat, and I ate full time trying to keep up with her. Being fat is so cool, she told me with lively eyes, there's so much of you, you get confident! I was destined to stay average weight. I wore her clothes and they spread around me like ribbons on a may pole. Later on, our dynamic switched, and small phrases of my own creation, "Whatevers," "hot-mama-llama," "gee-whiz, lay miz" appeared in her everyday talk, after I had long outgrown such stupid phrases. I forget all that now, living adulty, waiting in waiting rooms, doing laundry, the weather is wildly pleased, and mostly I am glad and unoccupied.


story a day #2: MY PEN PAL GOT SHOT

My age or older. Her hair got stuck in doors, so she threatened to cut it. Once there was a long hair of hers, stuck to a piece of tape. It could have been anyone's. I still have the envelope. She was a flute player, color blind, meat-eating, strapped for cash. My husband would bring in the letters for me, smirking, but he had this pen pal vicariously. I'd only tell him the basics, I never showed him a picture. This was an assignment in second grade. I had wanted a boy so I could get married, but they paired us so we wouldn't get too excited. My classmates' letters were perfunctory. Pet's name? Pet peeves? Tv? Foods? All favorites, like an interview. I filled up pages with confessions and stickers. I hate my mom! I wrote, My brother smokes! I looked in a mirror and took pains in exactness. My eyes are one inch, I think, I told. Her letters called her father a hotdog, that she was the prettiest girl in her homeroom. I was impressed. She was a bank of all my secrets and this went through high school and college, the internet, her job doing massages on a cruise boat. When I was in the hospital, I could have made it sound like an artist residency, but I resisted. It is possible that if I heard her voice, it would have repelled me, my husband liked to argue. That I could be as happy writing to the toilet. He is a jealous man. Anyone I talk to at the grocery, he sharpens his ears at. I found out through a search engine about my pal. She was shot by her lover, some guy I hadn't heard of. Her funeral is going on right now, but I'm just sitting at home.


story a day #1

The dinosaur was muddy and eating bananas. It was male. It stomped through a patch of flowers. A dog rushed at its legs and the dinosaur gnashed its teeth. The dog took off in the other direction, dirt flying from its paws. It was hot and the dinosaur sweat out his eyes. His skin was rough like tree bark. His teeth were shiny with drool and glinted in the sun. He ate some flowers, and then he chewed a mouse. The mouse's tail whipped wildly against his tongue, making the dinosaur twitch. The dinosaur swallowed and could feel the lump sinking down his throat. The dinosaur's swinging tail whapped into a tree. The pain was dull, it told him where the tree was. He forgot he had just eaten a mouse, and saw another one like it was the first one. There were dozens of sounds, but he was used to them. There was a worm in the ground, he could feel it on his foot but could not reach it. He kept stomping around. He saw an explorer and ate him. A big camera was crushed between his teeth. The camera battery gave him a jolt, and the lens was crushed into shards of glass, embedded in his gums. The dinosaur tried to lick the glass out. His blood tasted like rust. His tongue was cut and one part flapped against the roof of his mouth. He took one huge claw and scraped his gums and tasted more blood. He spun around and ate more from the banana tree. The soft bananas slid down his throat, but every bite sent the glass further in. He opened his mouth, and his stomach pushed a low sound that grew and stretched out in the air, it hung in the air, it vibrated.


my bracket was perfect at first

it set out like a child
it had whims and the whims had ideas

at the center was a supposed and it streamed and spread

it was clean-cut and everything rolled live

a faulty dunk
a finger in string

a family itches
a conscious compiles

this is a game we all played between games
I made 100 jokes in 100 minutes
and not all of them worth it

if I'm not calling its cause I see an invisible space and you're in it

the ball gathers ball
luck ages
fate mopes
all wavy games leak their bounds

this one opened and cut my hair
friends were scattered on different sides
holding the E-Z pass in the air
my style was nonchalance
my style was and so what

all loves are quick
this was one-hour


let a vacuum dream dream and succeed

grackles are hogging the feeder
cops say crime is contagious

back where I wound all my time
hair keeps pumping out our heads

in this, the afternoon gets fat and warm
a dog's tiny pupil has little expectation

the architect and the house
they mostly affect the neighbor

the sky sighs with airplanes
I can write on it with a laser pointer

years ago, Chinese food was Magic Food
a piece of bread would not impress anyone

let all things glide their dreams
a vacuum has a lot it wants to take care of
a bicycle needs to feel a breeze between its legs

there was a pizza who was late for a job
he was melting all over the place
he melted on his brief case


I've got aura and brains

I was naive, but then I ran tits first into a tree
I eat cereal
solve sudokos

when I have a premonition about the president
I write him a postcard

this is the meat and potatoes of my message:
All bad magic has a missing partnered solution
Stay above water
Fix that exposed picture hook! It might hurt someone!

please don't read glee in those exclamations
that is just my Imac
I am but a person

a dog lolls in my lap
the birds make off with some hair

here again, we wish on a digital watch
say a word and then jump into a pool

it isn't that I want a shape beside me
I see one and its morphing


also by crazy M. Bean

Nothing more for Sally Silk
cut her skinny foot and
stubbed her fat one.

Nothing more on Sunday morning.
Wakes up on the couch,
boyfriend's sleeping in the oven.

By nightfall she's in shabby shape.
Told her friends to fuck themselves.
Take your supper in the cellar
you'll get no second slice of cake.

Meat by M.Maniac Bean Machine

Haha. I've got it,
You old lazy woman.
You bet your teeth I do.

I'm gonna come home with
a cough
one of these days
and I'm gonna cough on you.

Nevermind the pin-cushions,
the pearly-colored window-curtains,
the bookshelf and the knives.

I've got the giggles in my mind.
I'm done with your domesticity.
I'm a grumpy, grimey, gray, ungrateful girl.

I'll walk around in whatever
Bare boney legged--
that's me.

Don't start questioning things now.
I can tell the future
by looking in your mouth.


a vacation is expectation

you went to another country, like random, like for fun
you met the town mix up
one drunk musician
a prostitute and her son

one water was fast and threw people around in it
another water would not move an inch
you sat and coaxed the water up your finger

the food was a sauce

there were nets upon nets
to keep you from mosquitos
but the mosquitos
bless them
they did not want you


nothing special

if I sit still, the fly goes crazy
when I go crazy, the fly stops and watches entertained

the scissors are self-important
the recycling bubbles over in its bag
my quilt sits on my armchair

would you like to be alone?
I ask everything

there are egg shells
there are water bottles with clear consciences

there are tape dispensers
and hairs whose dream it was was to stick to the tape
I pull off one such hair

the coins are all dirty, but don't know it, and sit in stacks

my phone is familiar with here
this is nothing special


on the new planet

all hair is frayed
pebbles crumble if you pinch them

I dig a little place to take a nap
I sleep so well and often

a critter walks by and I admire it
I yell

I reflect
I press my body onto a yearbook
I feel stupid and play MASH

it does seem time moves across a wire
watch it, it wiggles

goodbye friend
hello annoying new person

jesus mazda and more karma

dragons usually get slayed
I look pretty from a distance
I understand classical music
wet dogs have dreams
hear me, movie stars
have faith
see god
buy food


in the woods

in the woods
in the snow
we feel brooding and scared of trees
we touch them and they don't know us
they are surrounded by other trees
but are dumb to this


trust us dead highways, this car knows better

this night lasts all night, all air
constant trees, fur scurrying past headlights
these, the dark heart of this area
and snuggle further
find the dark heart within the dark heart
the sleepy movie house drinking beer
dizzied with sloppy aesthetics

night is so natural because the stores are shut
a drunk car gets parked
when this town sneaks a beer

If you think a chimp retirement home is sad, climb inside this headache

its like the face is annoyed to be a face
the day feels ugly
so takes a shower
even though its already clean

the day doesn't know if tomorrow is itself, or if that is something different
if there are infinite deaths, or just one big one later

people say stuff, in the rain, on the phone, in the bathroom, seriously from an opposite couch, genuinely, leaning against a column, people catch you before you leave, people say "remember when you," people meet, people say "i have call waiting, but I'm not going to," people approach you and its them and their face and you and yours, and are those things fitted completely as one?, faces look like other faces and you meet another Jason but with a Devon nose, people rush up to you, their faces say some intro on them, they get memorized and glorified, in the bad light they twitch

this is old! Always faces, blushing, monsters, parents, crying, headaches!

to take a break I pull out a joke
to row a boat I dip the oar in romantically

to add some beauty, I present this row of staples
they are connected still as one thing
for now they are intact

things are said to you, they are sentences, real deal life dialogue
and they hit the siding of your house
they drip down the window

then, we recover, our faces fall normal, we escape, are received
by all the office supplies we have ever wanted
all these uninvited bits of paper

can we shape a happiness
form some out of something?

I tried one with some tissues and tape
you built one with a toothbrush and a dust clump

if the face loves the air
and the face doesn't flinch
can the day renew ?
like turn over and be cool


the way clothing lounges on other clothing it would seem it does not give a shit

a tissue gets wrinkled and experienced
a washcloth acts like it doesn't need you, but its clear by looking, that it wants you

a pizza is obscene

the way clothing lounges its like it got so tired it passed out
and to hell with it, it might be there a long time

a tissue box is wistful when a tissue is sticking out
a towel is willing, its qualmless, its easy


a person wants everything

a person wants everything to have a face
a person wants an animal to fall in love

a person wants perfect weather
but tries to enjoy surprise weather

a person drinks water and drinks water and is sick of water
then a person drinks water and thinks
Oh water, water is one of the prettiest
water is the best thing for the mouth
water hides inside us and we like that

a person sees sleep as a place and likes the gradual trip
There is sleep and we'll go towards it
a father tells his kids

stuff will clog our rooms
our ear hairs will die
where a person once saw an afterlife, I saw a blank screen
scissors and coins and crap lay on my dresser
the light bulbs continued their life
crazy women jumped out windows
then my friend spotted another, but I thought it was just a road stop, a rest stop
I said, Lets just wait for the next stop, I don't yet need to pee


the end

I found the end of the night early
I saw a mirror a tv
everyone was talking
a glass had ice and the two were the same

a car trembles in this snow
the tires play
the engine spins
the driveway tears in little nowhere tracks

my email homepage gets bored

I have days so I stick friends in
I memorize the town
my feet fall asleep
I dream about sex

someone tells a story about a little sister getting drunk on water
about a dog that ate rat poison
a hitchhiker who scored a train

its late and I won't answer my phone

a drunk friend is a hallway to somewhere
a bar is a place to stay the same

a jungle a place we wont ever go
a sentence a way to cross streams with stones



the snow is nature's oldest effect
snow from the caveman word 'soft layer'
'caveman' from the Arabic 'monkeyman'

a word starts on top a hill
then it rolls

all over academic institutions
teachers choke on essays

essay from the latin 'long explanation'
Latin from the latin 'lazy nothing'

bad parents beat children with dictionaries
later those children are shy with definitions


Noah called

Noah called me and dropped the phone in boiling water
"Very funny!" I shrieked
but the other end was empty

I kept calling the emptiness

no ringing
no message machine

I kept pressing the button

this world is not magic
you can't expect everything easy
fast food slows you later

I called and got nothing
in my call log it was

all calls failed

technology has updated us incorrectly
sometimes after writing an email, I sit and wait for a response
it can come at any moment
there are no postmen to delay it
its made us impatient

I called and called
I had wanted to talk

finally an operator picked up
"hello," she said, nonplussed

"Hello," said I, happily